I can always tell when I’m about two weeks away from a trip because the crazy dreams start. Sometimes I’m in college and failing a history class because I never knew how to find the classroom. Sometimes there’s a maniac clown after me and all the doorways are tilted. Listen, don’t ask. I have a long list of dreams that just…I can’t even explain. I’ve gotten pretty used to those. Last night I had a new one:

I’m fully clothed but in the shower. With me, although I don’t know it at the time, is a an author whom I’ve never met. Because of our last names, we are usually near each other at book signings. In real life, I know what she writes and that she has an impressive sense of style and fashion. More than once I have admired her shoes. In my dream, she’s a zombie. And in this world, zombies hate water. So I’m in the shower, but she’s hidden behind her own black shower curtains inside the shower and I’m dumping buckets of water over her shower. In my dreams and in my real world, bucket = old Country Crock container. Just so you get the full visual. So I’m dumping. And dumping. And dumping. Every now and then there’s a mumbly growl from behind the black curtains. Finally I get smart and pull down the handheld shower thingy and aim it over her shower curtains.

Then the water pressure dies.

So I’m in the shower with an angry zombie.

Somehow I grab her by scruff of the neck, but she’s doing that cartoon glance where she’s looking obviously at my hand and back at my face and back at my hand and back at my face. When I look down, there’s a fang sticking out of my hand. Everyone knows that zombieism is contagious through the bite, right? I don’t know why she had fangs. Also, she must have introduced herself by saying “I’m a zombie” because she looked pretty undead to me. Except for the fang sticking out of my hand.

I did not notice her shoes in the dream. Also, this is why I do no prepping for doomsday. Instead of smashing her with the handheld shower thingy, I reach inside. When doomsday comes, I’ll be the first to go. It’s okay.

When I woke up, I had my dog in a wrestling hold that’s probably called the double chicken wing or something creative and he was all “What the what?”.

No animals or zombies were harmed in this dream episode. But now you will understand why I’m a zombie in San Antonio.

STILL, IF YOU’RE NEAR SAN ANTONIO ON JULY 23, COME AND SEE ME! This is the video from Atlanta’s literacy event. It’s cool.

At the literacy signing, I’ll have my two latest books (Santa, Bring My Baby Back and A Minute on the Lips, I think) and some freebies (and I know where at least one zombie is sitting. I’ll protect you. You trust me, right?).

I’ll also have some of these bracelets to give away! If you want to win one before that or you aren’t in the San Antonio area, here’s a chance to win your own: Heartwarming Authors Blog.